a berachah withheld

The Ben Ish Hai (Hilchot Tzitzith) explains that the principle of Safek Berachot L'Hakel (when in doubt, we don't say a berachah - lest we utter God's name needlessly.) is stronger even than the Shulchan Aruch's psak Halachah.

But get this: We don't use Safek Berachot L'Hakel against the teachings of the Arizal.

That's intense.

A cute parable regarding this principle: There's a question about the berachah we make on Rosh HaShanah, that HaShem forgives His people. How can we make a blessing as if God will certainly forgive us, even before we ask for forgiveness? Maybe we won't merit to be forgiven?

The answer lies in this story: a child really wanted an apple, but his father didn't want to give it to him, so the insistent child made a berachah on the apple, and his father was forced to give it to him. (otherwise it would have been a needless utterance of God's name) Similarly we make the blessing on Rosh HaShanah to (figuratively) force HaShem's Hand to forgive us.

ps. Someone please remind me of the source of this parable.

you may not be what you eat, but what if you are?

In his partial commentary on the Shulchan Aruch, (OH 6:1) the Mishna Berurah,(6) the Hafetz Hayyim quotes what appears to be the Ariz"l, explaining that the miraculous state of man, a combination of spiritual and physical, one of the wonders for which we praise God, is brought about specifically through eating.

"The soul benefits from the spiritual element of the food, and the body benefits from the physical element of the food, and it is through this very mechanism, food, that they are brought together."

That's an amazing revelation. (Here I am trying to learn more halachah, but it's the secrets incidentally revealed in the halachah that speak to me the most)

[Of note: this sounds similar to the Noam Elimelech's comment that the whole purpose of this world is to eat.]

If we reexamine eating from this perspective, it can change our entire world. What we eat affects how, when, and if our souls are bound to our bodies and vice versa. It also tells us that the secret in allowing the soul to reign over the body begins and ends with which food we eat and how we consume it.

Be aware of what you eat and how it affects you; especially how it affects your service of God.

At the very least, be careful about making the appropriate berachot before and after whatever you eat, even that deceptively simple step can be enough to give you a new dimension to your spirituality you never knew existed.

without graphs

When I studied Astronomy in university I wrote software to help make the boring parts of the work more trivial. When I studied almost anything I would graph the ideas out visually making logical and useful connections. At times, when there was so much information, I experimented with grouping whole structures of information into simple icons and then graphing the relationships between the icons. Sometimes I would crack open a 3d animation software package and start laying things out in 3 dimensions when I wanted to be able to see the big picture, how everything interacted.

Imagine my disappointment the first time my Rav told me I couldn't draw representations of the interactions of sefirot, partzufim, or any of ther other Kabbalistic constructs that exist in the Kabbalistic literature. Why? There's two major reasons, as best I understand it, and I still hope to convince my Rav to help me to find some way to circumvent them but they go a little like this: 

(a) God forbade us to create an image of any of the constructs we see in the heavens, this is too close to idolatry -- even if you and I both know it's not God and won't get confused.

(b) We can't draw it out lest someone think these constructs really exist, which we know ultimately that they really don't. (As the Sefer Yetzirah says (translated by R' Aryeh Kaplan) 'Ten sefirot of nothingness.')

Yes, there are diagrams of some things, and yes some people do diagram some things. But. But according to the traddition that we have, we don't. And, on the limited occasions where we do draw some sort of graphical representation to help momentarily it is on small pieces of paper or dry erase boards that will be burned/buried or erased (in the case of dry erase boards)  in short order.

I can't claim to understand this all, or even very much, but stop and think about it. What's the difference between graphing out chemical interactions or cognitive ideas and graphing out Kabbalistic concepts? 

The goal of understanding chemicals, mathematics, medicine, biology, literature, etc is to understand them in order to use them to some end. 

Kabbalah (read: Torah and Judaism) is an end in itself. We are drawing ourselves closer to HaShem, becoming more sensitized to holiness and HaShem's designs of and for this world. It isn't that once we understand the constructs of Kabbalah we take them and do something else with them, it is precisely through pursuing these ideas (the same can be said for any level of Torah learning) we are drawing ourselves closer to HaShem.

Does one map out one's spouse's likes and dislikes, or the 'way they work?' No. We get to know them so intimately that the answer to whether they will like this, or how they will react to that is obvious. That is the point of any Torah study, to develop this intimacy with HaShem. 

Always deeper and deeper levels of intimacy.

It isn't even about knowing something in the end, it's about closeness. Developing a closer relationship. You could spend your whole life on the introductions to learning the most basic levels of Torah, and be closer to HaShem than one who davens with all of the yichudim and kavvanoth of the Arizal. It's about your desire to be close to HaShem. 

When one has the desire and burns with  it, so then as you grow in Torah and Tefillah, you pursue that which brings you closer, including study of the hidden aspects of Torah. But that is the true measure of your accomplishments, did they bring you closer.

This helps us to narrow in on exactly what the problem is: HaShem, isn't like your family, when you're at work they aren't there so you draw a picture of them, or commission someone to do so, in this day and age we have cameras so we just snap a quick picture. Since HaShem is always present, drawing pictures or creating some other representation actually creates distance. Would you gaze at a photo of your spouse if your spouse was there in the room having a conversation with you? 

When we gain any true knowledge pertaining to our interaction with God, it's only as true and as deep as it is patently obvious to us. The deeper the connection the more we 'know.' Memorizing names, letters, configurations, constructs, what does that really mean? At most its evidence that we want to be closer to HaShem, even if it testifies that we don't know how to get there. But drawing pictures means maybe we'll settle for the picture the way people hang posters in their room of people they will never be able to relate to personally.

When we grow closer to HaShem with new knowledge it means we've changed. If we sketch something on a piece of paper or in a file, all that's changed is that paper or that file.

We're here to grow, not to amass pictures, charts, or graphs. It's not about commiting it to memory, it's about commiting it to our essence, about internalizing meaning.

To me, this is such a vital lesson for people living in our day and age. And I can't begin to explain how much I benefit from this knowledge. every. single. day.

of sparks and souls

True humility comes from recgonizing the importance of others coupled with one's own insignificance.

In truth, our Neshamoth are all connected, each Neshama is comprised of a unique point as well as parts of all the other Neshamoth that have ever been created.

When we see that such a large part of our own Neshama is actually made up of everyone else's Neshamoth, it should make us aware of how great and important everyone else is.

When we see what an insignificant portion of another person's soul is composed of a little piece of our soul it should make us aware of our own smallness.

Contemplation of this idea can lead to great Ahavat Yisrael.

Abba!!!

I have been lost in the very deep Torah of Tikkunei Zohar this Elul, so I've had a hard time bringing it down to levels I can comprehend let alone share.

I guess I can see the littlest of what the Komarna Rebbe meant when he said he didn't write a peirush on Tikkunei Zohar because it was too dense.

Not long ago, in the daily Tanya, Rebbe Shneur Zalman explained how a father can only give over a lesson to his son if he first refines his ideas to a very basic level, one which will be palatable to his son's lesser intellect. Secondly, the excitement/desire/love with which the father gives over the lesson to his son has a tremendous impact on how well the son can receive and retain the lesson.

In Elul and on Rosh HaShanah especially, we need to recognize how much HaShem truly loves us that he created this whole world, everything in existence, as a means to make his infinite kindness palatable to our limited selves.

Not only did he bring down the infinity of Torah to a level of ink scrawled on parchment, but He loves us so much that he gave us the Torah as well as six hundred and thirteen mitzwoth with which we may bind ourselves to Him.

When we sin, when we violate part or one of those six hundred and thirteen mitzwoth, it isn't that we are doing something wrong, that we're behaving badly. It is that we are limiting ourselves beyond even our nature. HaShem has come all the way down to earth to be with us, to look us in the eye, and we are unwittingly closing those eyes.

In our generation we no longer know what it means to sin intentionally. To sin intentionally you need to know what you are missing out on. Do we really know? No.

The Komarna Rebbe quotes the Arizal who explains to Rav Hayyim Vital, that we are beings so thoroughly mired in physicality that we can't possibly reach a lofty level, yet every mitzwah we do is all the more precious because of that. The Komarna Rebbe goes on to say that if the Arizal was explaining this about the time in which he lived, how much the moreso nowadays? In fact, the Rebbe goes on, I testify that in our day and age, every Jew, and especially all Bnei Ashkenaz are considered tinok she'nishba, an innocent child who knows nothing and cannot be held accountable for his sins. (Netiv Mitzwotecha, Netiv Emunah:6:10)

HaShem loves us so much. We love Him too. The goal of every mitzwah you do from now till Rosh HaShanah is to open your heart and feel that love, both Him for us and we for Him.

Abba!!!

hilulah of the arizal 5768

We look at the world and are fascinated by the similarity between foreign objects. This is the essence of patterns, finding a similarity or a larger unity in an array of objects. Fractals, repetitive patterns that build on themselves in multiple dimensions, are comforting to us. They allow us to see that all of the complexities of the world boil down to a few simple comprehensible rules.

This is the modern outlook, the perspective that grew out of science. It is wonderous and miraculous, and when we look with this eye, we can take joy in the world testifying to HaShem's unity, to the fact that all ultimately derives from one.

This, however, is part of the sheker, the lie, of this world. Olam haZeh, olam haSheker. These are the training wheels. The whole world presents itself to us, as self-referential patterns, fractals, so that we won't be overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of HaShem.

As we grow, part of that growth is to temper ourselves to be able to witness the true unique nature of everything in creation. What at first might seem like things that can be generalized, when seen with further introspection, can be recognized and an utterly unique expression of God's reality.

What does this really mean, in practical terms? Everything about the humanity we know about is a tremendous pattern-engine. We recognize, find, create, and imagine patterns. Everything we know and want to know is based in the interplay of relative information.

This is the nature of humanity. And, HaShem wants us to break that nature.

Letting go of the patterns, of the general rules, until every moment is a sheer unfiltered revelation of Godliness.

This isn't for everyone, and we even know that there are boundaries to this, but nonetheless, the Ramchal (in Da'ath Tevunoth) tells us this is the sole purpose of creation. Everything that was created was created specifically to enable this higher awareness.

Like everything else, including the mitzwoth, the Baal Shem Tov, explains that really we can't accomplish anything on our own. The impetus and the success are entirely dependent on HaShem's direct intervention in our lives. But we have to be open to, and seek out that intervention. We have to start somwhere, and grow from there.

If you open a hole for me, like the eye of a needle, I will open an opening for you the size of a ballroom. That's HaShem's promise to us.

All we have to do is start small and keep at it. That's not just another category, it's not a person, a hand, a flower, a plane or a nose, it's a unique portal that looks out onto everything.

It seems the Arizal teaches us that the small hole to open is happiness.

Make yourself a little happy for HaShem, and watch the miracles unfold.

laying foundations

It ocurred to me today that I'm drawn to the study of Kabbalah out of the simplicity of it. No one in his right mind would call Kabbalah 'simple,' yet to me it is the closest thing to the equations that describe the spiritual underpinnings of the world. It is a system that gets down to the simplest clearest expression of the deepest forces in the world. Or at least that is what I try to draw out of it.

It is my hope that from this firm basis I will one day be able to sit down and study Tanach and Talmud as it truly can be studied. Currently, when I open a Humash I see infinite possibilities, meanings upon meanings, I'm drowning in too much information. When I open the Talmud the same is true. There's so much content, so much depth in every word. For me, the Kabbalah is a framework, the foundation, and upon it I hope to build everything else.

There is support for such a view in the writings of the Holy Komarna and the Holy Zidichover. How can I question Tzaddikim of their Holy level?

when words mean more than action

In the end of Masechet Megillah (31b) there is a conversation recorded between HaShem and Avraham Avinu, about what would happen if we anger HaShem and He wants to destroy us. In short, Avraham Avinu asks, what about when there is no Beit HaMikdash and they sin before you, since they can't offer any sacrifices, how will they repair their sins? HaShem replies that He gave us the Torah that outlines the laws and ritual of the sacrifices, whenever we read the Torah of the sacrifices, HaShem accepts that as if we offered the sacrifices themselves and forgives us our transgressions.

It seems to me like perhaps we should learn the Torah of the karbonot whenever we want to work on Teshuvah. This is especially relevant as we are now in the book of VaYikra which contains the teachings pertaining to the various offerings.

HaShem so much wants our Teshuvah and our well-being that He will accept something that is no more than a written account of what should be done as a full apology. This is interesting in the light of what Shmuel HaNavi says to Shaul HaMelech when he saved the animals of Amalek to offer as sacrifices to HaShem: You think HaShem wants your sacrifices? All He wants is for you to listen to His Word.

So, by learning the Torah of the karbonot (Torah being the Word of God) when we cannot currently actually offer the sacrifices, perhaps we are acknowledging the depth of Shmuel HaNavi's words.

On a semi-related note, the RaShaSh z"l Rav Shalom Sharabi, regarding the Tefillah and the Seder on Pesah, explains that mitzwoth that are performed through speech alone illuminate with the inner aspect of HaShem's light, whereas mitzwoth performed through physical acts illuminate with the outer aspect of HaShem's light. So, perhaps in our case here, even though we cannot bring down the outer light, through actually performing the sacrifice, by reading the Torah regarding the sacrifice aloud, we can still awaken and draw down the inner light.

his hands are emunah

Rebbe Nachman brings down in Likkutei Halachoth I:91 that in netillat yadayim (the mitzwah of washing the hands) the Arizal HaKadosh explains that you must lift up one's hands to receive the kedushah. Rebbe Nachman builds on this explaining that there is a level beyond normal emunah where you have emunah in your heart, you can reach a level where your whole body is suffused with emunah.

kohanim at kivrei tzaddikim

Lately I've noticed a number of people raising the issue of Kohanim visiting Kivrei (graves of) Tzaddikim. I don't know anything on this topic, just wanted to add some anecdotal evidence, in the sefer Toldot Ha'Ari it is clear that the Arizal ordered the Kohen (Kohanim?) that was (were) in his presence to leave the room before his passing.

Perhaps the death of Tzaddikim still involves a problem for Kohanim, or perhaps the Arizal was unwilling to take for granted that he was a Tzaddik? (Note that despite this potential explanation of humility, the Holy Arizal did give his followers specific instructions on the preparation of his body for burial, including the fact that his body would immerse itself in the mikvah and they were not permitted to immerse it for him. So, it doesn't appear that it was an issue of modesty.)

Update: I had the priviledge of asking Rav Yisrael Avihai (Rosh Yeshivat Hamekubalim in the old city of Yerushalayim) about the Arizal's position of kohanim visiting the graves of Tzaddikim. He said it was forebidden.

brit milah of the torah

In the system of the Arizal there are a number of inter-related structures, each one is simply another face, another facet of a united whole. The woven thoroughly intertwined nature of the whole world is mind-boggling. In a way it reminds me of an idea put forward in modern physics that the entire universe is made of a single particle threaded through spacetime. (I'm no expert on either topic, but i've been trying for years to wrap my head around both.)

My Rav constantly reminds me that these different Partzufim, faces, aren't actually anything, if they were something discrete and separate, created in any real way, then trying to connect to them would constitute Avodah Zara, idol worship. In our connecting or uniting these different facets we are, as we've mentioned in the past, trying to forge some kind of connection with HaShem, the underlying and overarching force in all of creation from the largest galaxy to the smallest microbe, and beyond.

As I've mentioned in the past, I'm always tempted to throw out these systems, cutting out the middle men. (k'vyachol) So the question remains, what do we gain from these systems?

On the one hand, if we really start to look at and recognize whats going on, all these systems are undifferentiated, united at their root, but when we look at them a certain way, from a certain perspective we're seeing a warped view, in which a particular attribute becomes more obvious, more emphasized.

Let's try and take a simple example. The partzuf, Atik Yomin, bears all the same sefirot as all the other partzufim, but from that perspective we are dealing with each sefira's aspect of keter. (Each of the ten sefirot are comprised of ten parts, each one represented by one of the sefirot. So for example the Sefira of Hesed has within it keter of hesed, hochmah of hesed, binah of hesed, hesed of hesed...etc.) If we look at Atik Yomin's sefira of hesed, it is actually the sefira of keter of hesed. If we look at Atik Yomin's sefira of hochmah, it is actually keter of hochmah.

If this isn't making sense, it's ok, this is really complicated and its not the kind of thing that really can fit into a single post or many posts. I don't want to get into it too much, only to illustrate that every perspective, every subset of the system, is simply a matter of focusing or emphasizing a particular part of the system over every other part of the system.

This is at the essence of all these systems. We are always narrowing down HaShem's infinite light into concepts or containers that we can hope to glean something from.

We'd like to say that this isn't necesary, lets connect to HaShem's light directly. We can't do that. Not yet. That is basically the goal. Everything in creation is working on bringing us to that goal where we no longer need these intermediate veils, bumper lanes, or training wheels.

We'd like to look at and examine the system, recognize that it is all different expressions of the underlying singularity and then ignore the systems and go straight for the singularly unique creator of it all.

Instead of trying to fight the system, we can actually work a little differently, something I've spoken about in the past, and we can engage the system. As we take the different systems and connect to them, clothing our thoughts, our desires our intentions within these systems, we are taking these manifold systems and putting them on as clothes. When we dress ourselves in these systems, they become a protective layer that allows us to connect to the essence of HaShem's light without being harmed.

The Rosh Yeshiva of Shuvu Bonim, Rav Berland (shlita) brings down a related teaching about the oneness of Bnei Yisrael, in this shiur he gave. He explains that each Jew is unique and bears a unique spark of mental accuity necesary to understand the Torah in its entirety. The only way for us to ever achieve total knowledge and understanding of the Torah is to connect to and love every one of the Jewish people. Every person we hold a grudge against ensures that some part of Torah will be blocked and unclear to us. Only by clothing our intellects in the love of each and every one of klal Yisrael can we truly connect to the unified Torah.

HaShem created the world in such a way that if we try to hide ourselves away from the world, we can't find Him. But, if we turn around and dive into the world in its multifaceted brilliance, striving to find the hidden intellect within each and every part, then that's where we will find HaShem.

This is, I think, the hardest stage in the service of HaShem. First we need to cleanse and rectify our body through the performance of the mitzwoth. This is the removal of the orlah of the foreskin.

Then we need to serve HaShem with tremendous love and affection, with total devotion out of the joy of fulfilling His command. This is the removal of the orlah of the heart.

Then we need to recognize the insignificance of ourselves in the scheme of things, to complete eliminate our personal interests from playing any part in our actions. This is the removal of the orlah of the mind.

But the final orlah, is the orlah of the Torah. We need to cut to the heart of the Torah, bind ourselves to it until there is no Torah left, only HaShem.

At each stage the bitul of the essence of the stage is the removal of the orlah. It's not that the bitul eliminates something but rather it reveals that something's oneness with HaShem in an undeniable way. In the first stage it is our physical needs, in the second our emotional needs, in the third the needs of our ego, and finally the veil of the Torah, the paradox of the Torah being separate and one with HaShem is nullified until there is only the constant experience of HaShem, something that is [practically] beyond achievable in this world, but will be the day to day reality at the right time.

[i'm sure there is also a bitul of the soul, meaning a removal of the orlah of the soul, essentially killing the yetzer hara, but that (i think) happens simultaneously with the final stage of removal of the orlah of the Torah.]

relate now

As we mentioned previously in this quote from Likkutei Halachot, the Ariz"l said that the upper worlds and everything happening within them are in a constant state of motion, forever changing. This knowledge was the basis for the lesson we brought out there in relating to HaShem always in new and different ways.

Many people may have trouble understanding the nuances of what it means to serve HaShem always from a place of newness. I will repeat (endlessly if need be) that all the deepest secrets of the world are hidden very close to us. In this particular case it occurred to me that the perfect example of this avodah is actually part of the natural order of things: relating to one's spouse.

Personally, as a guy, it seems clear to me that the example is much stronger when the spouse in question is female, but I believe it applies in both directions. Relating to another person is something very different than relating to furniture, natural phenomenon, or even pets. People are naturally unpredictable. You can certainly learn their patterns and have a fairly good idea of where they are going with a particular train of thought, but you can never be sure, because people are always changing.

The situation of marriage in which you are forced to relate to your spouse in every possible frame of mind and at every possible moment is the closest parallel we have to understanding what it is to relate to HaShem. Having another person constantly in your life who is always changing and growing and who always requires change and growth from us is one of the ways that we are naturally educated to connect and relate to HaShem.

When your partner ceases chas v'shalom to grow and change, and starts to become repetitive and boring, we start to have a harder time relating, we think they are starting to age, to grow old. At this point the relationship begins to hinge solely on loyalty and past experiences, something that takes even more out of the 'youthful' partner to maintain.

This is exactly what Rabbi Nachman describes in our Avodath HaShem. Think of HaShem as the ever-young, ever-new partner. Think of how the relationship looks to Him (k'vyachol) when we cease to be interesting and alive, when we are lost in daily repetitions of the day before, when our responses are by-rote reflex-arcs--never even reaching the brain. Thank God that He has the energy to maintain the relationship even in this geriatric state of senility. He is still loyal, He remembers the kindness of our youth. (זכרתי לך חסד נעוריך)

But, is that really the best we can do? Sadly many of us fail at the marriage thing, the relationship thing.. it's hard and it really takes two willing and youthful participants to continuously overcome their fears and be courageous, be ever more selfless. But, whether we fail or succeed at this, we are learning valuable lessons in relating to HaShem.

In the case of a human relationship we can always blame the other party, sometimes legitimately. In the case of a relationship with HaShem, we have no one else to blame. If we fail, we can always try again, we get near-endless chances to recognize that we never figured out or made clear what it was we wanted, that we weren't willing to listen, that we weren't willing to think beyond ourselves, that we weren't willing to give it a real chance.

Relating to HaShem isn't a guessing game, it isn't a magic show, it's about engaging HaShem in every one of your experiences. HaShem is always there waiting for us to snap out of our premature senescence.

[There is no conspiratorial club that divulges all the secrets, there's only your life where all the secrets have already been laid bare, right before your eyes, if you really look to see. If you don't know how to look, then pray plead beg for new eyes.]

dreams of fusion

In light of the Baal Shem Tov's explanation of how connecting to HaShem (as the root of all earthly pleasure) in thought allows one to experience the revellation of HaShem in dreams, we can greatly expand our understanding of an important mitzwah.

During the time when a woman is niddah, she is forebidden to her husband. Clearly this is a very strong metaphor of exile, of galut. The same couple who was reunited as one flesh must now be separated and distanced, could this be any closer to a text-book understanding of HaShem's relationship to Israel in exile? It can be a very depressing time for a couple, and it certainly is a very serious time as kalut rosh (behaving lightheartedly (or light headedly more literally)) is forebidden.

It goes without saying that it should not be a depressing time, as maintaining a happy demeanor is at all times one of the greatest mitzwoth. The Ariz"l explained once that all of his accomplishments were due to his great joy in performing HaShem's will. So, at least in theory it shouldn't be a depressing time, but theories only work on the head, they don't hold much sway on the heart.

The Baal HaTanya explains that when one is very distant from HaShem and feels no connection, one of the best ways to open our hearts to prayer is to beg HaShem to have mercy on our pour innocent Neshamah, she, who is so far from her father's house, she who has done nothing wrong, who has been an innocent bystander in all of our wayward journeys.

From this we can stretch our horizons and applications of metaphors just a little, and understand something I believe I've mentioned in the past. That in the time of niddah, the husband has the unique ability to awaken tremendous rachamim on the nation of Israel. For he can connect in the most simple way to HaShem, who is exiled from Israel in her period of niddah. (aka galut)

Now that we have begun to understand the Baal Shem Tov's explanation of getting past the physicality and in touch with the essence via our dreams, we can delve to a new level of understanding niddah.

During niddah the husband and wife are forebidden to one another physically. In such a state, they can begin the avodah described by the Baal Shem Tov in understanding and connecting to the root source of their desires. The root source of their desires being the revellation of godliness in their spouse. This connection, when correctly recognized and acknowledged in thought and understanding, leads to a very deep spiritual unification in their dreams.

This is a closeness of spirit that was never possible in the same way when they were permitted to one another. It is only when they are forebidden uniquely to one another that they can aspire to connect their intimate desires on a purely spiritual level.

In this light it is amazing to understand that physically the most fertile moment in their relationship is the end of the niddah period when they are in such close connection spiritually and they are finally brought together in physical union as well.

Here, we can peek at the depth of the mitzwoth and their underlying structure. HaShem's ways are truly complete.(תורת השם תמימה) The multiple levels of closeness and distance, and the interaction of these forces, play a symphony of unification that allows two parts of a single soul to momentarily reconnect with such fusion as to actually taste HaShem. (טעמו וראו כי טוב השם)

From this level of specificity, (פרט) we can connect back to the whole (כלל) and see how the progression of history is a similar interplay of centrifugal and centripetal forces that in concert forge the union between HaShem and klal Yisrael.

Hopefully we can understand perhaps a little of our minor role in this universal drama through our intramarital dynamics, and find joy and inspiration in fulfilling our part.

one snapshot at a time

As I plunge further into some basic understanding of the underlying nature of the world on a Kabbalistic level, I usually catch myself saying, "What do I really care about these systems, of what use are they to me? I want HaShem and He's both beyond all these systems, and at the same time, closer to me than any of these things will ever be."

On a deep level I believe this to be true. All of the Torah knowledge that we absorb allows for a more subtle, more nuanced relationship with HaShem, but without having that relationship firmly in place, all the intellectual frameworks in the world aren't going to help. (Of course, this is clearly wrong in light of מתוך לא לשמה בא לשמה but still there is a basis for what I'm saying)

Rebbe Natan in Likkutei Halachoth on hilchoth Tefillin (5:5) quotes the Ariz"l who says that all the worlds and all the mechanisms and systems through which the worlds function are all in a constant state of flux, a state of constant motion, as they are always in the process of being created by HaShem at every moment.

The only response a Jew has is to connect to HaShem from a place of newness at every moment. It doesn't matter what came before, or what may be later, how are we connecting to HaShem right now? That's the question.

This was a breakthrough for me because it puts everything in perspective. Even when we are learning about complex hierarchical relationships and structures, the eventual understanding is desirable, but it is how we use the knowledge we've just gained to connect to HaShem that is essential.

defusing

Over at A Simple Jew, he's discussed anger management in a number of posts, most recently here. I've also been going through a lot of nisyonot lately with anger. (which only reinforces the point that ASJ has an uncanny ability to pick out issues that are affecting lots of people at the same time)

Last night I came across an interesting Torah of Rebbe Nachman's in the Likkutei Torah on Tefillin. Rebbe Natan mentions in passing that Erech Apayim, (ארך אפים) being slow to anger, is the root of all the 13 attributes of mercy. This is hinted at by the fact that Erech Apayim means long-faced. How is a face lengthened? through a beard. The thirteen attributes of mercy are rooted in the thirteen tikkunim of the beard.

We're getting into areas that seem so confusing and tangled as to make us throw up our arms and say we don't know or understand anything. What does the beard have to do with not getting angry? What do the tikkunim of the beard even mean? etc. I could start to try and explain the little that I know, but actually in the same Torah, Rebbe Natan explains that getting to this place of newness, of recognising that we don't know anything (and serving HaShem from that place) is the key to being old and young at once.

Not satisfied? Getting a little annoyed or even angry? I'll try and explain a little instead of what seems to be talking in circles. The beard, (as well as all hair on the body) actually represents shefah, the potential for the emanation of divine light that is hidden within us. The thirteen different kinds of emanation from the face downwards to all that lies below are the thirteen tikkunim of the beard. These thirteen emanations, when they come down from the highest world are the thirteen attributes of mercy. They are comprised of the ten sephiroth of the particular world in question in addition to the three sephiroth from the world above which protrude down into the world below, Netzah Hod and Yesod.

Normally according to the Holy Ariz"l, Notzer Hesed is the central attribute upon which all the other 12 rely. It is interesting then that Rebbe Nachman explains that Erech Apayim is the root attribute of the 13 attributes. Especially since Erech Apayim is sometimes counted as two of the attributes and not one. So, the best answer I have to explain Rebbe Nachman is this: The source of the 13 attributes is in Keter, the highest sefirah, the lower half of this Sefirah is called (in certain contexts) Arich Anpin, the long face. Erech Apayim means essentially the same thing, just in hebrew. So, Rebbe Nachman is referring to the root/source of the 13 attributes and isn't referring to one of the attributes specifically.

The other more practical explanation is that Rebbe Nachman is teaching us the way to draw down the thirteen attributes of mercy: through patience and strength in the face of anger, we are able to draw down HaShem's thirteen attributes of mercy into this world. In this way Erech Apayim is the root of HaShem's thirteen attributes of mercy in this world.

So, while this doesn't really give us any tips as to how to work on Erech Apayim, it does perhaps explain a little of why it is so difficult to accomplish and why the yetzer hara fights it so hard.

facing newness

In Likkutei Moharan [hilchot Tefillin, halachah ה (hei)] Rebbe Natan speaks about Rebbe Nachman's story the seven beggars and how the first beggar is the secret of being infinitely old and completely new/young all at once. This, he relates, is the secret of Tefillin.

What struck me most was Rebbe Nachman's statement (which I think he brings down in greater detail in Sichot HaRan) that one should always be new with HaShem.

About Rebbe Nachman himself he describes how he might have at some points just revealed amazing new depths of Torah and the next minute be lost in despair at knowing nothing at all.

This is an amazing challenge to really be new with HaShem at every moment, to acknowledge that this very moment HaShem created you and to bring to Him that which you have to give right now. Because we know that we will never come before HaShem empty handed. (לא יראו פני ריקם)

Wherever we are, whenever we are, we have a way to serve HaShem, to relate to HaShem, He always gives us something. If we really live in the now, in the newness of the moment, then we will feel a longing for HaShem with such intensity that we will search out something to offer to Him that we might enjoy His divine presence with the same intensity that a junky searches for a hit when withdrawal starts to really hurt.

Rav Yitzhak Ginsburg (in his introduction to the kabbalah of the Ariz"l) discusses how David HaMelech (who was destined to die the day he was born, but thanks to 70 years given from Adam HaRishon lived exactly 70 years) internalized the understanding that he was nothing except what HaShem made him and gave him. This is how he connected to the sefirah of Malchut. (לית לה מגרמה כלום)

The Talmud in Yoma actually echoes a similar idea in saying that Shaul's kingdom didn't last because he came from a line that was unflawed, whereas David came from a line of questionable background. This way, the Talmud explains, if he ever got out of control (lhavdil) the people could remind him of hist questionable background. (Ruth & Tamar) David always knew it was HaShem who made him king.

Similarly the Pri Ha'aretz (quoting the Kalisker in the first two Torahs of the sefer) describes how the Tzaddik reaches the level of Mah (מ’ה) wherein he recognizes that he possesses only that which HaShem gives him. (לית ליה מגרמיה כלום)

So as we can see, it's a very high level to aspire to, to be new in the face of HaShem every day. To truly face Him we need to put everything behind us, and seize whatever HaShem has given us today. Sometimes all we have are our past sins, to offer up to HaShem. Saying, this is what I have to give today, please forgive me and accept this Teshuvah, and let me see your countenance today.

Something to think about when donning tefillin.

weak lights

At the very end of the Notzer Hesed he brings down a teaching that we should pray to HaShem that all our brilliance and enlightenment should be saved for Shabbath and not expended during the week. He explains that when our weekdays are bright and full of illumination, then our Shabbat is more dull and lackluster.

From this he also brings down the explanation for why in the second temple period the learning in Israel wasn't so distinguished: Because the Jews were learning with such intensity and illumination in the diaspora, (which is comparable to the week days) Israel was left without light. (because Israel parallels Shabbath)

This is a very hard teaching to connect to, it's hard to imagine that if you uplift the week it won't make your Shabbath higher, but instead make your Shabbath, has v'shalom, lower.

I will have to look further into the matter, but I would like to draw one further parallel that derives directly from this teaching. Why is it that in this day our learning of the secrets of the Torah isn't on the level it could be? Because so much of religious Judaism today is focused on learning the body of the Torah (as opposed to its soul) with tremendous ingenuity.

If anyone doubts the connection then I will point you to the Holy Arizal who would teach his students six different understandings of each halachah according to the 'pshat' mirroring the six days of the week, and then a seventh understanding according to the 'sod' (the secret inner meaning) representing Shabbath.

the peace of the wise

וכל המקים את דברו רוח חכמים נוחה הימנו
anyone who keeps their word brings solace to the wisemen.

This is the final statement in Masechet Shevi'it, the mishna which discusses the laws of the Shemitah year. The Shemitah year is the seventh year in a repeating seven year cycle in which we are commanded to let the land lay fallow.

More relevant to this particular quote is that all debts between people are to be (automatically) forgiven/forgotten upon the arrival of the Shemitah year. The quote praises those who pay their debt in any case, because then lenders won't be affraid to lend out money to those in need during the sixth year in the cycle. The quote is actually a more general phrasing praising everyone who keeps their word because when people keep to their word, there is no need for disputes in court. Everyone is honorable.

Keeping our word, being upstanding and honorable Jews brings peace to the Hachamim. Since we are overcoming our nature, it seems natural that we are bringing peace to the world and this in turn brings peace to the Hachamim.

I think another reading of this same phrase may be: "all those who keep HaShem's Word, Which is to say all those who keep the Torah, the spirit of the Hachamim rests upon them."

We find this in a number of places, especially in the stories of the Talmidim of the Arizal (whose hillulah is tonight and tomorrow) who merited the ibur of (the impregnation of their soul with the soul of another) a tzaddik from the earlier generations (the Tannaim or Amoraim) because of their extraordinary performance of a particular mitzwah.

sleeping up

Dixie Yid brought up the issue of sleep and what the spiritual ramifications are:

This is a bit like what Rabbi Krohn suggested. As we go through our days, we build up not only unwanted memories of inconsequential events and information, but also thoughts, words and actions that are better left in the past. Just as sleep washes away the thoughts and memories that deserve to be left in the past on a neurological level, spiritually too sleep is needed to push the past into the past, so that we can move on with what is worth saving to a new day, unencumbered by yesterday's failings.

this was my comment over there:

Sleep is death, and it's bitul.. even if we can't reach bitul during the day, we get to taste it at night.. so it will give us an example for living..

In the beginning of Likkutei Halachot, the halachot of waking in the morning and washing hands, Rebbe Natan discusses sleep a lot.

I have a post here that sums up some of what he says. (I also happened to relate it to science, a little) From that post I actually linked a few related posts to it..

Like how the Noam Elimelech says that HaShem sleeps down here in this world.

Also my favorite midrash is relevant here: When HaShem created Adam HaRishon, the Malachim couldn't tell him apart from HaShem and so they didn't know who to praise. It was only when HaShem made Adam HaRishon fall asleep (vayipol alav tardaymah) that the Malachim recognized HaShem.

The midrash was meant to teach the level of Tzelem Elokim.. so sleep is somehow what differentiates the Tzelem from the Elokim ..

also interesting, that there has to be more to sleep than just that it's a taste of death (or the death of yesterday or a death of the old self), because Adam HaRishon had not yet sinned and there was no death yet in the world, and still he slept!?! Was the creation of Chava a lowering of the level of the world? (ie. a form of death)

Death, in hassidut and kabbalah is defined as a fall in one's level.

I don't know if sleep falls into the same definition

The questions were still rolling in my head and I happened to meet Rav Yisrael Avihai of Bet El in the Old City of Yerushalayim and asked him to clarify a little.

Specifically I asked him about the relationship between death and sleep and how is it that there was sleep before there was death in the world?

He explained that sleep brings with it the potential toward a powerful aliyah. When it is practiced properly [just like everything else in life] then there is very great potential in sleep to rise to new and greater levels. [In fact, during sleep the Neshama can ascend to the heavens where it learns Torah.] In this sense, it can be said to be the opposite of death. Since any yeridah, any fall, is called by the name 'death.'

He also confirmed that the creation of Chava was a rise in the level of the world, and not a fall. (Hence Adam was put to sleep in order to reach this new level.)

More practically he clarified that "tasting death in sleep" is broken down like so: Chazal say that anyone who sleeps for 'sixty breaths' is said to taste death. [presumably meaning their sleep bears with it an aspect of death --- a fall and not just an aliyah] As to how long is 'sixty breaths' some hold that it is a half hour, some hold an hour, some hold six. In practice, the Arizal said that any sleep [from the start of the night until] before midnight doesn't count as 'sixty breaths' so if you get all your sleep in during the first half of the night, you aren't tasting death.

if i dont forget thee

Over at Schneier on Security. There's an article discussing how to make data forget itself over time. Why? Because people are affraid of what it would mean if everything we ever did were recorded and accessible, if we could be held accountable for our past indefinitely.

There are many people who think "Well, if you have nothing to hide, there's no harm in your data persisting." Many have come forward to argue the logic of exactly where such a perspective fails. All I want to add is a brief foray into some of the Torah that might be relevant to such a conversation.

We start off with the basics: HaShem sees everything. If everyone else can see what we do, won't that bring us more in line with the basic tenets of Torah belief? Some people have a hard time internalizing the idea that they can't hide from HaShem. If people couldn't hide from one another, it would be natural to understand what it means that HaShem would know everything about you. This seems like a good thing.

Hold on a second, we also say that הנסתרות לה' אלקינו ונגלות לנו ולבננו - The hidden things are God's alone, and the revealed things are for us and our children. So, potentially, there is such a thing as actions that are hidden from the world, meant to be judged only by HaShem. Often we will judge a situation or a person incorrectly because of insufficient information to accurately assess the situation. These situations can always occur. There's no way to prove that there isn't something that we don't know.

You might ask about a court system in light of this truth. The answer is that maintaining a court system is a mitzwah given by HaShem. Under certain circumstances we are commanded to carry out judgement and sentencing. Since it is God who gave us such a commandment, if we do so according to His will, he will only hold those judging accountable for what they could know, but not what they couldn't.

This actually touches on the next major point. Halachah applies to a person's knowledge, not to objective knowledge. A Sefer Torah is kosher if the letters appear to be whole. If, under a microscope, it turns out that there are breaks in a letter not visible to the human eye then the Torah is one hundred percent kosher. We see from this that too much knowledge might not be helpful, perhaps even harmful. (In actual fact, if someone sees what might be a problem with a letter in a Torah, one consults a child and asks them what letter it is, if they correctly identify the letter--then the Torah is 100% kosher. Halachah isn't concerned with objective perfection, only "close enough to be easily recognized".)

Finally, let's get to Teshuvah. Again, one might be tempted to say: If someone is really driven to do proper Teshuvah, having an accurate and thorough list of everything they've ever done wrong would be really useful in making sure they covered it all. [In fact, there are stories of people who went to the Arizal, and he would look into their souls and list for them all of their past misdeeds and then give them tikkunim to do in order to rectify their situation. (תולדות הארי)]

Still, Rebbe Nachman points out that one of the greatest gifts HaShem gave us is the ability to forget. Most of us would crumble under the burden of knowing everything we ever did wrong. Through forgetting we can wipe the sleight clean and start afresh. Serving HaShem in a way that may actually be possible for us, where we are right now. When we want to do Teshuvah, so HaShem reminds us little by little, each according to our ability to fix the errors of past.

Furthermore Teshuvah has a number of different levels. We might do teshuvah for all of our past appropriate to our current level; yet as we rise in our service of God, we might have the oppurtunity to perform a still deeper teshuvah. This selective, gradual remembering of the magnitude of our sins also allows the teshuvah process to be possible. (Not everyone can be like David HaMelech who said חטאתי לנגדי תמיד - my sins are always before me [ie. I've never let myself forget about them.])

In other words, there are certain situations and certain lessons that are made easier by perfect recall, but most of the time most of us will find a foggy recollection of the past far more palatable.