a hundred what?

What is HaShem asking of you today? That's what Mosheh Rabbeinu says. Chazal explain: don't read it "what," (מה) read it, "one hundred." (מאה) One should be careful to make one hundred blessings every day.

The Noam Elimelech then comes along (Likkutei Shoshanah) and explains what it really means: HaShem wants us to reach a level of self-nullification, bitul, referred to as "What?" (as in the passuk ונחנו מה?) But that level is virtually unattainable, so Chazal come along to give us advice on how to attain this level: If you focus on saying one hundred berachot every day from this level of "What?" (just while you say the berachoth,) then from there one can surely reach the true level of "What?"

So the Noam Elimelech takes the abstract teaching and brings it down as a practical lesson in achieving bitul.

the power of true happiness

איזהו עשיר? השמח בחלקו - ללחום נגד העצבות, אפשר להבין את הפתגם ככה: אזוהי [דרך של] אושר? השמח בחלקו [של חברו] דווקא

 

It is a very big mitzwah to always be happy. 

So, what do we do when our lives seem miserable? Be happy about someone else's life. This is a very big secret to true happiness.

If you can look at your friend's life and see that things are going well for them, and you can take true joy in this, you can vanquish any depression, any sadness.

When we truly understand that our friends' and family's wellbeing is as important as our own, we can be happy even when our own lives are difficult.

[If the reverse is true, heaven forbid, we can't let our friends' or family's suffering get in the way of our happiness, because our own sadness could hinder our ability to help them in their time of need.]

brighter than the eye can see

What makes Hannukah and Purim different from Shabbat and the other Yom Tovs on which we don't do melachah? (very very loosely translated: 'work') 

According to the Tzemah Tzedek, the third Lubavitcher Rebbe, in his book Derech Mitzwotecha explaining about the mitzwah of Hannukah candles, the light that is revealed on Hannukah and Purim is so powerful and from such a high place that we cannot readily receive it. 

We awaken the revelation of the light with the performance of the mitzwah, but the light itself is beyond us. Since it is beyond us, we can't mistakenly transmit it to the dark side, to the elements of creation that utterly lack holiness.

By contrast, on Shabbath (and Yom Tov) the light brought down is specifically meant to be received, and when we create (through our mitzwah observance) the appropriate vessels we do receive enlightenment. It is for this reason that we don't do melachah, we don't involve ourselves with anything lacking inherent holiness. If we were to be involved in the mundane with such a level of enlightenment, then we would be channeling all of this divine influx directly to the unholy forces, the dark side. For this reason (among others) HaShem commanded us to abstain from worldly concerns on Shabbat and Yom Tov.

On Hannukah, where we ourselves cannot receive this tremendous light, there's no need to abstain from worldly matters, there's no danger of us transmitting any of the divine illumination to the other side.

There are two areas of specific interest to women on Hannukah: 

1. A wife who lights the Hannukah candles in the home completes the mitzwah for her husband--even against his will. This means that if the husband is away from home and he intends to light the candles himself, purposely intending not to be included in the lighting his wife will perform in the home, he is still included in her lighting, and has no need or mitzwah to light the candles himself. To me this is interesting because there aren't many mitzwoth at all that can be fulfilled for someone in direct contradiction to their own intent or desire, completely against their will. The reason in our case is because the mitzwah rests primarily on the home, not on the individual (wherever they might be) and women and men are both obligated to light Hannukah candles.
2. While there is no mitzwah not to perform melachah as we mentioned already, there is a custom (and Jewish customs are like Torah) for women to abstain from melachah during the half hour or so that the candles are supposed to be lit. I wanted to suggest that this implies that even though, in general, the light of Hannukah is beyond our perception, women are able to attain a certain level of connection with this light, and consequently they aren't supposed to work during the time of candle lighting.

the greatest expectations: no expectations.

Many things in life are affected by our initial expectations. When we go into an experience with an open mind, expecting nothing in particular other than to be surprised, the surprise is often a positive one.

In this way, your every meal can be delicious, almost every experience a positive one. This is actually a major secret of being happy with one's lot in life. If we don't look at what others have, and based on this form expectations, then we can very easily enjoy whatever it is that we receive.

The Mei Shiloah explains that this was Yaakov Avinu's midah, that he had no desires for anything other than what was his, he didn't feel a lack of anything. This was the meaning behind איש תם יושב אוהלים - a simple tent-dweller.

Rebbe Nachman takes this idea in a slightly different direction and explains that just as HaShem creates us new every day, we need to interact with HaShem and the world with this knowledge. Every day we should serve HaShem anew, with whatever is given to us in this day. This is the extreme version of the idea of being unexpecting. Not only don't we have expectations about our life, but every day is itself a new surprise.

Rebbe Nachman basically explains that this is the secret to staying young at any age, and judging from the elderly people that I've met, the happiest seem to have arrived at a similar understanding to that of Rebbe Nachman.

don't disengage

There's a difference between being small in deed and small in thought. Humility is about accomplishing a lot, and not letting it go to my/your head.

False humility is about 'not doing' in order to avoid the nagging thought that you are great. Denying yourself opportunities, most of all mitzwoth, is self-abuse not humility.

This is such a hard concept for me to internalize. I know that so many things have no intrinsic value, and instinctively I want to cut them out and become an ascetic.

At every turn I need to remind myself that no, the more you engage the world, the more you involve yourself in the world, the more potential you have to bring about holiness.

Engaging isn't easier, it's more of a challenge; but the alternative, pulling back, only limits you.

the wool over little old me

The Komarna Rebbe explains in Netiv Mitzwotecha (Netiv haTorah, 1:3) that hubris, ga'avah is the worst form of sin because only ga'avah can drive all of the holiness of your actions entirely into the dark side. 

Contrasting this, humility is the highest form of offering. 

Beware false humility though--when it comes to serving HaShem we should never question whether we are adequate to the task, instead we must push forward with great confidence and energy.

a new focus

כדי לבטל את רצונות היצר אפשר לעקוב אותו במחשבה פשוטה. שילוב חיי אם אני, להקדים את מקור חייך להאני הישות שלך מביא ביטול מוחלט מאני לאין: חאיניי - עיטוף האני בחיי נפשך מגלה עצם ביטולו

One of the most basic ways to work on ego is to remind yourself that you are nothing next to your soul which is literally a piece of Godliness. (חלק אלוקה ממעל ממש) The Tanya discusses this in the context of awakening divine mercy for your poor soul that has been distanced from her home (the source from which she was hewn) in heaven.

A simple idea to focus on is this: the ego, the I, is אני in hebrew. The goal is to turn the ego, the אני, into אין, into the hebrew word for nothing. This seems simple as אין and אני have the same hebrew letters, aleph yud nun. So, we should be able to just rearrange our awareness and that's it, presto! no more ego. 

Unfortunately it's not so simple. But, when we start to think of our soul, of the source of our life-force, we can represent it with the word חיי. This is the life-force we pray for when we ask HaShem for בני חיי ומזוני - offspring, life, and sustenance. The life component encompasses many things, including really the other two. So, when we focus on our soul as the root of our life-force,  חיי, we can unite it with our ego, אני, and accomplish fascinating results.

When we connect two ideas in our thoughts, we generally interweave the letters of their composition, called in hebrew a שילוב - shiluv. In the case of אני and חיי when we want the חיי to be the dominant force influencing the אני, we start with the ח from חיי and then take the א from אני and so on, alternately taking one letter from each word. When we combine the whole thing we get:

חאיניי 

In this word we see that while the חיי remains intact surrounding what's in the middle, the middle has changed from אני, from ego to אין, to nothing.

In this way we can see that by focusing on the source of our life-force, on our soul, and its importance, we can overcome our ego in a very natural almost roundabout way.

When we remember our soul, and recognize how our actions either respect our soul, dignifying her, or dishonor her, embarrasing her, we can lose sight of whether our actions are bringing us honor or power or attention or all the other things our ego likes us to focus on.

polaroids of G-d

In the daily Tanya last week, the first Lubavitcher Rebbe explained how to ignore distractions in the middle of prayer. Basically it works something like this: (and if you take the time to really get into it, it really does work.) 

On a deeper level, you need reach the understanding that the distraction is also rooted in Godliness. This is pretty straight-forward if you realize that the distraction is not only being given life at that very moment from HaShem on high, but also, that distraction is actively given permission to distract you. Which means HaShem is imminently involved in that distraction which, in turn, means that the distraction is another channel of communication with HaShem. At this point, rather than being something that hampers your prayer, the distraction blends into the prayer as if it is perfectly natural and no longer pulls you away from your focus. You no longer hear the distraction at all.

This lesson gives you a very powerful tool to reassess your surrounding environment at all times, not only in prayer. The more you bring the awareness of HaShem in all things to the forefront, the more you gain control over yourself, the more free will you have to choose an appropriate response. As long as we deny the Godliness in a stimulus, we are limiting our capacity to respond to that stimulus. The minute we recognize its meta-worldly origins, is the minute we pull back and truly reassess. This is the moment of "I will turn and I will see [this wonderous spectacle.]" (Shemot 3:3) that made Mosheh Rabbeinu stand out in the eyes of HaShem, that made HaShem cry out to him with love, "Mosheh! Mosheh!"

From this we can see a deeper lesson that hits closer to home: The Godliness we see in all things is an essential part of our own soul. With each point of Godliness we find within the matter, we liberate another facet of our soul. We reunite ourselves.

In a way when we reunite ourselves with something that was previously separate, the world has, in a sense, become a little smaller. Every reunion breaks dow the barrier between one and an other. Until, in the envisioned end, there is only one point in all of existence, one tiny infinitely small self, surrounded entirely by HaShem. This is the root of existence, this is the root of the Jewish people. 

[And I think this is the root of the teaching: If you open for me an opening like the eye of a needle, I will open for you an opening the size of a hall. It's kind of like a pinhole camera, if you can focus everything down through a singular point, you get infinite focus over a span of time.]

spreading the wealth

In the parable of the Baal Shem Tov, [see: parable of the baal shem tov] the son of the King is described as distributing everything in his posession for it is without value. The only thing of value to him is the presence of his Father, the King.

Classically, the midah of freely distributing one's wealth, a practice generally reserved for tzaddikim, usually deals with material wealth.

I'm going to, with the aid of a Torah of Rebbe Nachman, reexamine this midah in the realm of spiritual wealth as well.

Rebbe Nachman taught that in order to really reach fulfillment, every day we must start from scratch. We must be infinitely young, in that we start with a blank slate, knowing nothing. This in turn makes us infinitely old, since we connect to the root of Wisdom (Hochmah) which is the power of not knowing, the power of knowing to ask questions.

It seems to me, in my place of limited knowledge, that there is a grounds to practice this midah of giving all of your possessions away spiritually as well. A midah of not holding back or hoarding Torah, but rather sharing it freely so that when you get to tomorrow, you've got nothing left and you must begin again.

There are clearly some issues with this: The most obvious is Rebbe Nachman's own warning to teachers of Torah not to give over Torah which you haven't fully digested and internalized first. The second would be a teaching I heard from Rav Akiva Tatz that a Jew must always be much deeper than whatever part of himself he exposes. This plays nicely with a third Torah given over by Reb Shlomo Carlebach who said something along the lines of when anything is really true, it's too deep to be shared publicly.

But to all of these I would answer that the midah of giving away all of your possessions only applies to those things you truly possess. If you haven't internalized it yet, it isn't yours to give away. If it is so deep within you, perhaps it possesses you and not the other way around, and if it is not something disparate from you or your relationship with HaSHem, then there's nothing to reveal or give away. It's your essence.

Any Torah that you've obtained however, that can be said to be in your possession, it is yours to freely give away, as the Lubavitcher Rebbe taught, If you know Aleph, teach Aleph.

And if you want to freely give all your possessions away in order to be with your Father, the King, then who can stand in the way of the true son of the King?

time for a mitzwah

We are taught how important it is, before performing a mitzwah, to associate oneself with the collective of Bnei Yisrael.

Here is a short kavanah (meditation) we can have in mind before performing any mitzwah:

First, picture yourself surrounded by other Jews. Then recognize that all Jews are considered Tzaddikim and are full of mitzwoth. Remember that you once sinned, or one of your actions or thoughts was not entirely for the sake of heaven. See how all of the Jews, in fact the entire Jewish people are towering all around you, shining brightly. Realize how insignificant you are in the face of the entire history of your people, your grandparents, great grandparents, your children, their children.

Once you have reached that level where you are utterly lost within the sea that is the Jewish People, then connect that place, that image, that idea, back to HaShem.

See how the sea that was Bnei Yisrael in your mind is smaller than the smallest fleck upon the vast infinity that is HaShem.

In short, when you prepare to do a mitzwah, lose yourself in the united House of Yisrael, and then lose Bnei Yisrael in the enormity of HaShem.

Then you are ready to perform the mitzwah.

breadcrumbs from komarna

The stages of avodat HaShem are many, but it helps sometimes to have a guide. The Komarna Rebbe, in his Netiv Mitzwotecha, (Netiv HaEmunah:3 the last few letters) explains three major stages of Avodah in this world:

1. Connecting Malchut to Binah - this is accomplished through cutting oneself off from the pleasures of the world, focusing intensely on Torah study. Yaakov Avinu did this in his avodah to be Yoshev Ohalim, sitting in the tent studying rather than interacting with the enticing world at large of Esav.
   
2. Connecting Malchut to Hochmah - this next stage can only be achieved through engaging the world for the sake of HaShem with deep meditations and Yichudim while performing even the most mundane of tasks. Yaakov Avinu did this in his showdown with Lavan and all of his endeavors while away from home.
   
3. Connecting Malchut to Keter - this final stage takes us beyond the world into the realm of nothingness, where we make ourselves infinitely small in the face of constant awareness of HaShem's Greatness. We see this trait in Yaakov Avinu when he returns from abroad and turns to HaShem as the source of his salvation, rather than his own merit, saying 'I have grown small from all of Your Kindness.'

After thinking about this for a few days I asked my Rav and he agreed with my assessment of this Torah:

1. Malchut to Binah - this avodah is essentially connecting to the pnimiyut, the innermost essence, of the Torah. It corresponds to connecting to Godliness in its most basic sense, Elokut, in the nomenclature of the Baal Shem Tov. (The Baal Shem Tov says that everything in the world has three major aspects Elokut (God), Olamot (Worlds), and Neshamot (Souls))
   
2. Malchut to Hochmah - this avodah is essentially connecting to the pnimiyut of the World. Which corresponds to the Baal Shem Tov's rendering of Olamot.
3. Malchut to Keter - this avodah reaches connecting to the pnimiyut of your Soul. Which is Neshamoth according to the Baal Shem Tov.

I wish we could all experience life in a straightforward and rewarding fashion, but it seems that in our modern era we are vacillating between all three avodahs in a near-constant fashion.

Ironically, it's virtually impossible to do the avodah of Chochmah or Keter without first completing our avodah of Binah.

Since we don't generally have the luxury of stopping what we are doing and starting at the beginning, we need to be aware of and incorporate these ideas into our daily life as much as we can. Perhaps when we get to learn, we can focus on the avodah of Binah, when we're invovled in the day to day we can focus on avodat Hochmah, and when we're stuck in traffic, it's a wonderful time to work on avodat Keter.

Beyond that, we have to rely on HaShem to help us succeed despite everything that stands in our way. We may not be Yaakov Avinu, but HaShem is the same HaShem that helped Yaakov Avinu.

infinite values

One of the things that I'm only beginning to understand is how special each and every person is.

Their personality, actions, traits, assets, it's all clothing. We can either see their clothes and think that's all there is. Or we can recognize that within them dwells a spark of HaShem which is infinite in every way.

As we know, any finite quantity interacting with infinity becomes insignificant. Beauty, wealth, humor, wisdom. None of these things can quantify the infinite soul that dwells within each person.

May we all have eyes open to seeing this. This is at the heart of all the lessons of bitul, of negation of ego, but it is impossible to internalize, except through prayer after prayer after prayer.

basics: chazal

[i'm going to do a short series called 'basics' on ideas that others have found novel, but i've always taken for granted. just some brief discussions about the basics of judaism]

We call the many generations of Torah scholars who came before us collectively Chazal, it's an acronym that is short for "Our sages, may their memory be a blessing."

People within the Jewish world, especially Israelis who have grown up their whole lives in religious environments, have asked me how it is that the secular public can treat Chazal and their collected works so lightly?

It doesn't surprise me. If you grow up in a world where your most revered academic scholars are men and women with impressive knowledge, but equally impressive egos, you naturally assume the ancient (and even present day) Torah scholars are the same.

The only way for someone to correct their perspective of Chazal is to meet one of the true Talmidei Hachamim alive today. Only through seeing a living example of something completely other than what we are used to, can we begin to understand who Chazal were.

When you speak and interact face to face with someone who has no regard for themselves whatsoever, someone who has so totally destroyed his ego, so as to exhibit true concern for his or her fellow person, only then can you begin to glimpse Chazal.

May we all merit to meet true tzaddikim and hachamim in the flesh, so that our eyes may be opened to worlds we never knew existed.

holiness en masse

The Notzer Hesed explains אל תפרוש מן הציבור - don't separate from the congregation - as advice to those pursuing the path of the righteous. Despite the fact that you are working hard at holiness, (separating yourself from your physical desires, the more mundane natures of the world, and are working to cleave to HaShem) don't cut yourself off from the common people. For as you grow in holiness and awareness you must always recognize that they are on a higher level than you. While you are seeking out how to properly serve HaShem and always just beginning on your journey, they are constantly fulfilling the will of HaShem.

He goes on to say don't ask how this could be possible, (how could you be on such a lofty level where you are working every moment of your life and still recognize other simple folk as spiritually higher than you?) if you do it you will ultimately see that it is possible. But, I think maybe we can ask, how would one do it? He makes it clear that it's kind of a נעשה ונשמע - we will do and then we will understand, but perhaps we can still glean some meaning from his words, even if we aren't on the level where we get to see or understand, even if we have yet to begin this journey.

When a person goes against HaShem's mitzwoth, s/he is said to be the lowest of all creations. All of creation, no matter how mundane, are fulfilling the role for which HaShem created them, whereas this person is going against their assigned task.

You might want to argue that the animals, the insects, the fish, etc were not given free will! How can they get credit for fulfilling HaShem's wishes when they have no independent faculty to decide to stray from it? The most complete answer to this question is a resounding, because HaShem declared it so. But, perhaps we can glimpse at the smallest hint of a solution: There is a halachic principle that a person who fulfills a mitzwah which they are obligated to fulfill is greater than a person who fulfills a mitzwah that they optionally could perform, but were not outright required to perform. (גדול המצווה משאינו מצווה) This is counter-intuitive, one would think that a volunteer deserves more credit than someone who is required to do something? The Torah teaches us the opposite, kol haKavod to the volunteer, but the challenge to do something is much greater when you know you are obligated to do it. Even if you don't want to, you still have to. The volunteer only comes from a place of wanting to.

In the same way, perhaps, since the animals were commanded to act the way they do, and they continue to do so, they merit reward along the lines of those who are required to do so and do so. Even though they have no choice in the matter, they still may not want to do it but they still do it.

Similarly, people who go about their daily business with no awareness of HaShem or even really of their own actions, in a way can be compared to animals. (l'havdil) The question of their free will is almost a moot point. In that sense, they go about there business on the level of animals, in the automatic dance of nature. Therefore, they are always fulfilling the will of HaShem, giving no thought to whether they want to or not, without revolution or rebbellion.

True, the Tzaddik is pursuing HaShem and holiness and upholding HaShem's holy mitzwoth, but who is he to take on this job? If one (has v'shalom) wants to take upon himself this task for personal gain or respect, then one has become lower than the animals, lower too than all the simple folk. If one truly wants to serve HaShem, then he is confronted by his ego in numerous guises, his effort is always bent on eradicating his own self-interests. As long as he has any fleck or stain of self-interest, perhaps he can see himself as truly lower than the animals.

It's important even for us to take away basic lessons from this teaching. How often do we judge others harshly because of selfish reasons? How often can we remove ourselves from our deeply ingrained competitive nature and recognize that what we see as a failure in others is really not a flaw at all? If we were impartial, or better yet, if we were concerned for their well-being and success, wouldn't we be encouraging them and laughing about it a lot of the time?

crown of the yud

בזה שיהודי מודה על אמיתו ומכיר בעצמו הוא מיחד יחודים עצומים - בביטוי אני יהודי משייך האני ליהודה ונעשה שילוב אדנות והוי-ה מיחד קב"ה ושכינתיה

The simplest and highest thing a Jew can do is to recognize that s/he is a Jew. "I am a Jew," in Hebrew, אני יהודי. Ani Yehudi. When we look at the word Yehudi, it means, "belonging to Yehudah." When we say Ani Yehudi, we are saying that the Ani belongs to Yehudah. When we return the Ani to Yehudah, the letters of Yehudah and Ani combine forming the two names of HaShem אדנ-י and י-ה-ו-ה. The former, referred to as shem Adnut, references the Shechinah, HaShem's light filling the world, whereas the latter, shem havayah, references the fact that HaShem both maintains the creation and is infinitely beyond it.

When we acknowledge our Judaism, (that there is no me separate from my Jewish identity) turning to HaShem and saying, i'm simply a Jew, we unify the two aspects of HaShem, that He fills the world and that He is its boundary. In so doing, we unite all of creation in recognition of HaShem. This is what it means to be a light unto the nations, an ohr lagoyim. When we fail to recognize who we truly are, (heaven forebid) then we fail in our task. (heaven forebid)

Only through acknowledging our deepest identity can we fulfill our role. Just like the story of Yonah, hiding wont help.

something new: something borrowed

In Judaism, a central (if not the central) tenet of our faith is to make other people's needs as important to us, as our own needs. This is perhaps also the most challenging of all the demands placed on a Jew. Fear not, the is a silver lining: The Noam Elimelech explains (Parashath Re'eh) that we can actually use this effect in reverse in order to help us overcome our yetzer hara. 

Normally a person is beset by many natural tendencies, or animalistic desires. A Jew is expected to channel and master these desires until he rules them, rather than the default in which they rule him. One trick we have in this near-insurmountable challenge is that we can convince ourselves that our needs are not our own, but are external to us, borrowed perhaps from someone else. Since the yetzer hara (evil urge) encourages us to be selfish and unconcerned with the needs of others, if we convince ourselves that our own needs are "borrowed" from others, then naturally we will disdain them.

This seems very weird and unnatural, not to mention ridiculous, to think of our needs as someone else's needs. But, there is a kernel of truth there, in that these desires for worldly pleasure don't actually originate with the person, but rather with his/her yetzer hara. 

Once we have worked on ourselves and have begun to conquer this stage, the Noam Elimelech's advice really starts to pay off. Since our own needs are as devalued as the needs of others, the work to make the needs of others more important, if not as important as our own personal needs becomes a lot easier. Instead of fighting an uphill battle we've now leveled the playing field.

The question, to me, becomes why did the Noam Elimelech choose to bring out this teaching from passukim related to ma'aser and bikkurim. (both of which are offerings brought to HaShem from the blessings He has bestowed upon us.) Perhaps it is because when we recognize that everything we've received is from HaShem, and not ours to begin with, we can apply this lesson not only to the positive things we've recieved but also the negative ones, like the yetzer hara, for example. After all, everything is from HaShem.

bowing before the lord

I used to think of the TV as having the redeeming quality that it teaches us about bitul. When you sit opposite the television, it's almost as if you and everything and everyone else around you ceases to exist. I thought, wow, this is great, it's kind of like (lehavdil) the neshamoth in Gan Eden sitting nullified in the light of the Shechinah, blissing out.

Thinking about it a little more recently, there are a number of places (even quoted recently here) that describe the nature of bowing down. The symbolism behind a bow is a gesture of nullifying oneself before someone (or something) else. Within the halachoth of avodah zara there is a prohibition against worshipping avodah zara in the manner in which it is worshipped. There is a second general prohibition forbidding one from bowing down before ANY avodah zara, even if that is not the way in which it is worshipped.

With this new lens I reexamined television and money as well. When we negate ourselves, even a little in the name of television, or the pursuit of money, we tread on dangerous ground. It is not bowing down outright, but it might be more extreme than actually bowing down.. because we are being moser nefesh. We are lessening our self-importance in favor of this thing, be it TV or money.

I know it may sound a little ludicrous, but stop to think that when we lessen our self-importance even the smallest bit in the pursuit of Torah or a mitzwah, it is considered being moser nefesh, giving our lives for Torah and mitzwoth, giving our lives in the name of HaShem. So, when we are giving [of] our lives to be sitting mindless in front of TV or in order to earn more money, we have to examine what it is we are doing. Are we bowing down to some external power, looking to money or TV for immediate gratification [read: salvation]? Or are we pursuing HaShem, making ourselves holy with all that is permitted to us? [קדש את עצמך במותר לך]

losing yourself in sleep

Reflecting on the Baal HaTanya's words from yesterday (see: say a little do a lot) he explains that we accept upon us the yolk of heaven in kriath shema, and then in the amidah, specifically when we bow down, we receive upon us the yolk of heaven in actuality.

Thinking about the times of day we say the Shema, the Baal HaTanya points out that the bowing down in the Amidah is the essence of actually receiving the yolk of heaven. So what happens when we say the Shema, essentially voicing our desire to accept the yolk of heaven, but then we don't follow through with the Amidah? Namely, when we say Kriath Shema before going to sleep.

If we pay attention to what the Baal HaTanya explained the answer is apparent: The bowing is where the acceptance happens. Bowing is a form of bitul, of belittling and nullifying ourselves before HaShem. What could be more nullifying and belittling than sleep? It is as if we cease to exist altogether.

In fact, one of my favorite midrashim comes to our rescue here. Midrash Rabba on bereishith explains that when HaShem created Adam, the angels couldn't tell Adam appart from HaShem. (Presumably since he was made in the image of HaShem) In the end, HaShem put Adam to sleep which made it clear to the angels that Adam wasn't HaShem, since HaShem never sleeps. Adam was nullified before HaShem via the vehicle of sleep.

So now we can look at the act of going to sleep in an entirely different fashion. Rather than going to sleep because we are exhausted, we can see going to sleep as an act of nullifying ourselves before HaShem. It is a testament to the fact that HaShem runs the world and when we sleep the world continues to exist and function. This is why we say Shema before sleep, to prepare ourselves for the awesome revellation of HaShem that happens in sleep even more than when we are awake and bowing in the Amidah.

If we recall a long time ago, we mentioned Rebbe Nachman's teaching (see: sleep: the answer to every question) brought down in the beginning of Likkutei Halachoth that through sleep we are nullifying ourselves before HaShem and that is why we awaken with new life, refreshed. In that Torah we learn that sleep is one of the biggest tikkunim, a powerful way to fix what we have damaged in the past. [to delve into this a little deeper see: sleep as daat instead of a disconnect]

Perhaps we can even touch the level of dying for Kiddush HaShem (in the name of HaShem) when we go to sleep as an act of bitul before HaShem. After all, chazal teach us that sleep is one sixtieth of death.

filling empty voids

The Noam Elimelech teaches (Parashath Ekev) that there are two components to the performance of the mitzwoth. The first is the action, the physical performance of the mitzwah. The second is the thought involved. The thought is inherently a recognition of anavah, humility.

Humility, he explains, is referred to as 'ekev' which hints at lowliness for it is the hebrew word for the heel, but ekev also hints at constancy. Humility is a constant avodah, we need to focus on and be aware of our humility and take strides to strengthen it at all times. It must pervade our every act.

This is in keeping with Rebbe Natan's teachings in Likkutei Halachoth about how we must connect each of our limbs to the humility and emunah of Mosheh Rabbeinu, in order that we may completely receive the Torah. (mentioned previously in 'bread of humility')

This past Shabbath, the seventh day of Pesah, I explained among other things an understanding about the word Har - mountain. We see that often Har is associated with negative connotations. (Tehillim: I look to the mountains, from whence will come my aid?; Talmud: Tzaddikim see that their yetzer hara was like a great mountain.) Yet we also see that Har Sinai is where the Torah was given, just as Har HaMoriah is called Har HaTov - the good mountain, by Mosheh Rabbeinu.

How can we understand this discrepancy? It seems to my limited understanding that the word Har represents something that is full. The fullness can either be from Kedushah, or Heaven forebid the opposite. If we don't fill a vaccum with Kedushah, the other is inevitable.

Which begs the question, how do we ensure we are full of Kedushah? The midrash explains that Har Sinai was the place where we received the Torah because of its great Humility. Similarly we know that Mosheh Rabbeinu merited to receive the Torah because he was exceedingly humble. The midrash Otiot d'Rabbi Akiva teaches that the letter Aleph, was chosen to begin the ten commandments because it didn't complain when the Torah was begun with a Bet. So we see that all the elements of matan Torah, were exemplary in their humility.

So too, the Noam Elimelech is teaching us, if we want HaShem to be present and take part in our mitzwoth, then our humility must be at the forefront of all our actions. This, I believe, is the essence of the teaching of the Baal Shem Tov (which we first mentioned in 'helping us (all) along') that the performance of the mitzwoth is beyond us and it is only out of the great kindness of HaShem that he gives us the ability to complete the mitzwoth, doing all the heavy lifting (as it were) himself.

In fact, the Noam Elimelech goes on to explain that in exchange for our performance of the mitzwoth through action AND humility, HaShem gives us also two things: the ability to perform the mitzwoth, (Something we have a better understanding and appreciation of thanks to what we just addressed) and goodness in this life. (It is known that the reward for mitzwoth is only in the next world, but out of love for our performance of mitzwoth HaShem (in His infinite Kindness) gives us kindness in this world.)

bread of humility

Rebbe Natan explains (Likkutei Halachoth - Hilchot Tefillin) that we are nourished not by the food we eat, but rather by the life-force within the food. If our bodies were purified in that they were completely humbled before HaShem, then we would be nourished directly from the life-force and the food itself would pass through us undigested.

It is only because we have not rectified our entire bodies, that we digest and use the corporeality of the food. Whichever part of our bodies have not properly been humbled cannot receive directly from the life-force within the food and so they are forced to consume the food itself in order to derive life.

This humility is an aspect of Mosheh Rabbeinu who was utterly humble. Each of our 248 limbs and 365 sinews must expose their potential humility which is the nature of Mosheh Rabbeinu that is latent within that body part. When our whole body is in a state of awareness of its dependence on and recognition of HaShem's might, then we don't need to eat at all. This is how Mosheh survived for one hundred and twenty days on Sinai without eating or drinking.

The reason, he explains, that our digestive functions produce putrid/disgusting byproducts is to remind us of how lowly and dependent we truly are.

It seems to me that this is good to keep in mind during the time between Purim and Pesah when we are meant to work on perfecting our ability to eat in holiness.