When my grandfather of blessed memory passed away two days ago, (my grandfather who became my father in many ways when I moved to Israel,) I didn't feel a loss the way most people say it should be felt. It's taking me a long time to work through my feelings, but most of all it has given me new insight. Even in death my grandfather hasn't stopped instructing and teaching.
I was priviledged and honored to have grown up with him as the definition of what a grandfather should be. Others should be blessed to be so priviledged. He always loved unconditionally, and had equally unconditional expectations. If you want to do something you must do it to the utmost. That's what he taught me most of all.
That window of HaShem's light, through which I could perceive HaShem's endless affection for and devotion to me, doesn't shine out of a body anymore. But that window is still there, indellibly etched on who I am and how I think, what I expect of myself. What HaShem expects of me.
Even now I can't be sad, the particular design, engineering, and execution of said window is no more, but the light still shines from it so brightly.
When what we possessed is a relationship with HaShem, it's never lost--it only gets deeper, more powerful, and more present.
(You can see the Tanya of a few weeks ago for more in depth explanation.)
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