mysterious ways

Yesterday I spent two hours wandering around a parking garage looking for my car, completely bewildered, absolutely and totally disoriented. It was an almost Fugue-state experience, but I recognised it as God's way of putting me into situations I'm meant to experience without any higher faculties, essentially da'ath haNe'elam. (It's not the first time I've experienced it. And this time I knew it for what it was, but that doesn't exactly help.)

I couldn't understand for the life of me, why I had to have that experience, but I wandered patiently and completely exasperated, knowing that I was stuck in the experience until whatever I needed to experience, or whatever I needed to do was done.

I ended up walking around the lot looking at hundreds of unfamilliar cars on three floors of a labrynthine parking garage singing להגיד בבוקר חסדך ואמונתך בלילות (to speak of your kindness in the morning, and your faith in the evenings) to a modified tune of my own making until finally finally finally, when I had given up and headed toward the guard via a number of non-pedestrian tunnels, did I discover the secret floor zero of the parking garage where I had apparently hidden my car. (The parking garage is under a building and occupies levels 0, -1, -2, and -3. The elevators stop at floor zero, (if summoned from floor zero) but apparently there's no button in the elevator for floor zero--someone please explain this.)

It wasn't until mincha today, when I was learning the Maor Eynayim on parashath Tetzaveh, that he reminded me that last week, in parashath Terumah, he spoke about Mosheh Rabbeinu's passing away, which was histalkut hada'ath.

So, yesterday, Zayin Adar, (the day I was upset I didn't really get to have a proper seudah for the Hillulah of Mosheh Rabbeinu (it's the day he was born and the day he passed away)) I walked around, without any da'ath for two hours. I was totally caught up in the essence of the day, and because the essence was a lack of da'ath, I never made the connection.

HaShem's ways are truly beyond our understanding.

In case you were wondering, the Maor Eynayim explains that Mosheh Rabbeinu's burial place is un-known because he is a part (the part called da'ath) of every one of the neshamoth of klal yisrael. When we connect to the Torah, we are doing it through the part of Mosheh Rabbeinu that is in our neshamah.


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