a little bit of knowledge

With the days of Gevurah ahead of us in the counting of the Omer, I feel myself falling into a deep heaviness. Today I felt helpless to raise myself up, even knowing full well that if I want it and push for it, nothing can keep the Jewish Neshamah down.

Then I remembered the Torah lesson I fear most. The Baal Shem Tov explains that sometimes HaShem turns His countenance away from us, HaShem (figuratively) hides from us. Other times though, He even hides the fact that He is hiding from us. In other words, sometimes we don't even realize He's hiding from us. This teaching scares me more than any other, because what do I do if I feel close to HaShem? How will I know if He isn't really hiding far from me, and I don't even know it?

So when I realized that I was feeling distant from HaShem it brought me great joy. At least I know that right now He isn't hiding the fact that He's hiding from me!

There's still a ways to go and the whole week of Gevurah, might, will be a challenge, but a challenge with a silver lining, for if we manage to harness this divine might and channel it into serving HaShem, then we have gained immeasurably.

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