the gift of normalcy

Every time I hear about him, I become (practically) obsessed with Daniel Tammet. Today I found his blog (since I have a google alert set on his name) and the ability to talk back to him overwhelmed me a little. So, I took a step back to try and understand what it was that made my head spin and grabbed my attention so thoroughly whenever I read anything about his abilities.

Why do I want to talk to him, run ideas by him, get his input about some of my thoughts? Because I want to see everything at once. I want to understand how everything in existence fits together on varying scales simultaneously. It's a call that I can sometimes put aside, but it always rears its head once more. Daniel represents tantalizing clues. For him, numbers have images, smells, sounds, emotions, and most tantalizing for me: movements & textures associated with them. Numbers are very tightly connected to the rest of existence, and Daniel's ability to relate numbers themselves to motion (my most natural means of comprehension) makes me compelled to seek out everything I can about what he has to say.

I guess the most frustrating thing about it all (sometimes anyway) is that i'm normal. I can actually feel and see a little of what Daniel talks about when expressing his relationship to numbers or language, same with everyone else, when they express their special abilities. But, I know my accomplishments in these areas are available to anyone or everyone who would seek them out. Moreso, there are areas where I could progress but only at the expense of progress in other areas i'm not willing to countenance. In short, like every other person on the planet, have to choose what to do with my life, and pick only the most integral things of all those I want terribly to achieve. I'm normal.

It took me years of Torah study, and at least 5 years of intense study of hassiduth (most notably breslov and chabad) to become aware of just how special normal people are. How much potential and power the simplest person in the world has. How much of a waste it is for even one person to go unfulfilled. Normalcy is a gift not to be abused or misunderstood, and I see it so misunderstood in this day and age where everyone tries so hard to be special.

The biggest crime is to live life without ever making conscious choices about what you want to do with your life. without ever waking up from this dream world, even the smallest bit.

So, I put the daniel tammets of the world into perspective next to the wives and children, the best friends, the good friends, and the tzaddikim. Now I have my focus and direction back, now I'm reoriented.


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